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Flux Gourmet 1/10

Peter Strickland tries to emulate Bunuel and Peter Greenaway and the end result is a disgusting and misogynistic film that doesn't seem to have much of a point. Any semblance of a plot seems to quickly thrown away in favor of style and shock and it makes me wonder if Strickland is even trying to make something that we won't forget in five minutes. He might have gotten away from gialli homages but this latest homage to esoteric art is less satire and more becoming what it's trying to make fun of...but far worse. And the whole set-up and reveal of the alleged storyline is a complete slap to the face.

It's as if the whole concept of Flux Gourmet was designed to be a joke. Only no one is laughing and it makes me detest it even more.

Nope 8/10

This might be Jordan Peele's best film yet, a sci-fi/horror/neo-Western hybrid that brings to mind some of the best of Steven Spielberg. Despite being over two hours, there is very little flab in this one, featuring possibly Peele's most realistic characters, a sense of tension often lacking in today's alien invasion movies, and a general note that isn't like many recent sci-fi films. It might not get the recognition that Get Out did but I liked this one more than that one and it really shows how much Peele is growing as a director, now being out of Jason Blum's shadow and being able to get total creative control. It also makes me wonder why Universal decided to make a play for Nolan when this is a much more satisfying 65mm-shot tentpole than what Nolan's been doing lately (by the way, I'm not getting good vibes from Oppenheimer based on the teaser shown before this).

All in all, a summer blockbuster that actually does deliver the goods.

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On 10/10

Yes, you were probably expecting this. The expansion of the short films to a feature ends up making for possibly the most beautiful and emotional film this year. You watch this little seashell's journey to find his family and you can't help but feel for him throughout the highs (being an Internet celebrity and going on 60 Minutes) and the lows (finding out that fame can be a double-edged sword). The script is intelligent and filled with the empathy many modern Hollywood films lack while the animation is beautiful and extremely detailed. I don't think I've enjoyed an animated film this much since Wall-E (funny that this felt more like Pixar than Lightyear did).

It's too bad that it hasn't gotten the push that it should have because I feel there is something for everyone with this film. The audience I saw it with also loved it and it really could have been one of those word-of-mouth movies if the distributor had pushed it harder. But there's always VOD, physical media, and Showtime for Marcel to find the wider audience he deserves. Because he's worth it.

Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris 7/10

Likeable period film with Lesley Manville as a cleaning lady who goes to Paris after a string of good luck and ends up making new friends, developing a romance with an aristocrat, and helps turn around the fortunes of the House of Dior. It definitely more like a film from 1957 than 2022 with its simple but effective premise and its emphasis on characters and the production is of very high quality. I didn't like it as much of some of the other recent UK-based period comedies but it's a nice way to spend two hours.

Unrelated to the actual movie, I might have seen this in the nicest AMC auditorium I've ever been in. Formerly a Cinetopia, this auditorium was like someone's private screening room, with recliners, couches, ottomans, pillows, and even a fireplace. Too bad I could hear all of Paws of Fury next door.

Nope – (5/10)

This summer's movie I only saw because of the air-conditioning is wildly inventive one minute then lazy and derivative the next. It's as uneven and slapdash as Get Out was tightly focused, relying far too much on convenient coincidences and contrived plot points. It might be the weirdest movie to ever debut at #1 at the box office, but apart from that it's wholly unremarkable.

I'd say Jackass 3-D might be the weirdest #1 opener ever, just for some of the grosser stunts.

Bullet Train 2/10

A mindless and often pointless action film that might have more flashbacks than brain cells. Filled with massively underdeveloped characters that exist solely to be killed or tortured and a plotline that's about as long as the queue to the express train of a ghost town, the film cheats its way to fill its two-hour plus run time with said flashbacks and violence (plus some really obvious CGI). The thing that amazes me is how they got Brad Pitt and Sandra Bullock to appear in this. These two are much better than the script and hack direction they've been stuck with. The whole thing feels like you're watching a generic straight-to-DVD film from the mid 2000's but with an actual budget.

The end result is meaningless and instantly forgettable. It might have worked with someone like Takeshi Miike under the helm but it still would have been a lesser project for him.

Boosh saw Bullet Train before me? Good work M. Night!!!

Fall 1/10

I didn't think I would see a wide release worse than Bullet Train so soon. But here we are, only one week after that one and here, we've got a much worse film, with its pair of Darwin Awards candidates as main characters doing so many stupid things during the duration of its run time that it's a miracle that it managed to be feature-length. The situations are easily avoidable, the plot progression is predictable, and the twists are some of the dumbest in recent memory. Sometimes, a premise built around characters acting on impulse can work but here, you are spending every waking moment questioning whether the screenwriters have any sort of empathy towards humanity.

I'm convinced this only got a wide release as Buzzfeed (yes, that Buzzfeed) produced the film. When the script isn't putting the characters in dumb event after dumb event, the conversations between the characters feel like Buzzfeed articles. The only thing missing is a random Mean Girls GIF that has nothing to do with anything. While some critics believe this is a film best experienced in the theatre, the only way you should probably see this is on a free with ads site where you can laugh at it. And even then, you'll regret wasting that time.

The main twist in Fall is pretty much the twist every one of these survival types of movies have (including 47 Meters Down, which I believe is from the same producers). Fall, while not really even a good movie, is certainly better than either of those films IMO, however.

Agreed that the script, to say the least, won't win any Oscars though . Everything from Becky deciding to go to the tower with Hunter to the ladder falling off, in particular, is #atrocious.

Beast 6/10

Not the best movie but this modern-day update of films such as Roar and The Ghost and the Darkness isn't a bad way to kill 90 minutes, where Idris Elba has to save his family and Sharlto Copley by fighting off a lion that is near-unkillable. The opening is so-so but once Elba enters the picture, it gets better. As long as you know exactly want to expect, you should like it.

Breaking 3/10

If you've seen Dog Day Afternoon or Falling Down, you've already seen this one. This is a very cliched thriller that adds nothing new to the sub-genre of hostage movies, featuring flat direction, a predictable script, terrible cinematography, and a miscast lead in John Boyega, who looks a decade younger than the 34 that he's supposed to be playing. Michael K. Williams, in his final performance, tries to make do with what he's got but unfortunately gets few scenes to shine. This might have been passable as a short film but as a feature, it ends up having little to say and doesn't make much of a stand for its ideals. It's just there, sitting around and being forgettable.

Three Thousand Years of Longing 5/10

Beautiful but ultimately empty fantasy film that might have worked better as a short film or part of an anthology. Despite running under two hours, padding is king as the main story of an English academic discovering a djinn after buying a glass bottle in an Istanbul antique store is always being sidetracked by how the djinn ended up in a bottle. The plotline with our two leads maybe takes up only a third of the run time and it leaves the rest of the story in need of substance. Spectacle ends up having to carry the final product and while filled with eye candy, it can't take care of everything. I have to wonder if George Miller was sidetracked with Furiosa's development as his attention was clearly divided between this one and that project. His heart was not in this film and the end result shows.

People seem to be very, very polarized on Three Thousand Years Of Longing.

If MGM does a Cinemascore poll, I could easily see the film in the D range. Though the lady in the seat in front of me liked it. Of course, she was also the only person in the theatre who thought Catherine Called Birdy looked good based on the trailer that was shown before the movie.