Rate That Movie Part IV: Movies Never Sleep

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The Substance 2/10

How did this win an award at Cannes for its screenplay? This overly violent and wholly unoriginal horror film seems more interested in telling us how attractive Andie MacDowell's daughter is than making any statement about society's obsession with beauty and appearances. The premise is often implausible and cannibalizes ideas from better movies (Being John Malkovich, Black Swan, Brain Damage, The Neon Demon, Society, etc.), the concept of a workout show being the biggest thing on television feels stuck in the 80's (and probably would have been ridiculous back then, even though Jane Fonda's Workout was the killer app for VCR's), the cinematography has some of the worst shot choices in recent memory, the film feels like a mediocre Tales from the Crypt episode stretched out to nearly two-and-a-half hours, and Dennis Quaid might actually have a shot at winning two Razzies this year. This film is not designed to entertain. It is design to disgust and repulse the viewer, all for a message that it fails in telling because of how superficial it really is.

Coralie Fargeat wants to be the new Gaspar Noe or Nicolas Winding Refn by mixing shock with aesthetic. But like with her first film, she again proves she's nothing more than a copy of Eli Roth or any run-of-the-mill horror director who cares more about excess than actually being scary.

[StarLord123]

Speak No Evil 7.5/10
I have not seen the original film, but this was an entertaining, effective thriller. That’s certainly in large part due to James McAvoy’s excellent performance, he effortlessly switches from charming and charismatic, to genuinely frightening and intimidating. This is also a good example of how to do slow build-up effectively without feeling like it’s meandering too much, and when shit really goes sideways, it leads to a nail-biting 3rd act with a satisfying payoff. Although the movie is maybe about 10 minutes too long, and it was a little frustrating how much of a weakling Scoot McNairy’s character is much of the time. Still, if most Blumhouse projects were this good, they’d be an actual respected studio instead of one that’s constantly mocked.

Transformers One 6.5/10
I thought this was fine, but admittedly I don’t fully understand the near universal praise that it’s getting. The animation looks pretty good (the 3D was decent but not outstanding), the dynamic between Orion Pax (Optimus) and D-16 (Megatron) is quite compelling, the voice acting is on point (at least for the most part), and the 3rd act is pretty solid with some really slick and cool action (with one particular death scene I’m surprised this isn’t PG-13). The big problems are that I think the humor was way overdone and almost completely clashed with the somewhat dour main plot, B-127 was kind of insufferable, Megatron’s heel turn felt rushed to where it lacked the impact it should’ve had, and I never care for when a movie ends with “see you for the sequel, if this makes enough money!” It’s extra frustrating, because what worked here really worked, but what didn’t work really didn’t. I still think it was a decent enough time, just not that special or memorable ultimately. When it comes to Transformers movies (other than 1986 which I haven’t seen), I’d probably rank this 4th behind TF 2007, Dark of the Moon, and Bumblebee.

As a side note, this might’ve just been due to Regal cranking the RPX volume too high rather than the actual sound mix, but the audio for TF One was obnoxious almost from start to finish. A few other movies I’ve seen this year were loud but also sounded great, this was just loud.

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Can confirm that wasn't the default audio setting for Transformers One. The IMAX screening I went into in a theater that just got completely remodeled last fall wasn't notably loud at all.

[Buscemi2]

The Wild Robot 9/10

A DreamWorks movie that actually meets the hype. Essentially their version of Wall-E, this is a beautifully animated feature with a solid story and a positive message that mixes comedy and drama well. Unlike many recent films set in the future, it's not a doom and gloom story designed to rile up neo-Luddites and the terminally online into ranting about how everything they don't agree with is evil, as while the film is set in a world affected by climate change and cities built by corporations, there is also a world where technology and nature work together to improve a situation and how they shouldn't fear each other. And they also make it a funny story about a robot raising a gosling with the help of a fox who changes his wily ways. This is certain to be compared to the How to Train Your Dragon movies but I feel this one to be far superior to those (and now Shryke's spirit curses me for saying that).

After so many sci-fi movies that seem to preach to doomers and major studios animated movies that either feel like cash grabs or don't quite get past merely good, it's nice to see one truly deserves its acclaim and pushes the envelope with the medium and what it can do from both a technical and an entertainment standpoint.

[StarLord123]

The Wild Robot
While it’s not hugely surprising given the great trailers and acclaim surrounding the film, this is absolutely stellar, it lived up to my expectations and then some. It’s a powerful story about parenthood and self-discovery that tackles these themes brilliantly. The animation style is beautiful, vibrant and compliments this story and world perfectly. It can be very funny, but the humor feels natural and it doesn’t ever interfere with the deeper themes or drama. The emotional beats and tugging at the heartstrings also feel entirely earned and genuine, and the very exciting action finale doesn’t feel out of place either. It’s remarkable how Chris Sanders was able to tie everything together in such perfect harmony. Great characters and voice acting too! Lupita Nyong'o gives a brilliant multi-layered vocal performance as the titular robot, who’s continually adapting and will stop at nothing to complete her task. Pedro Pascal also does a great job disguising his normal voice as the dubious but also endearing fox. The only thing even remotely negative I can say is that the plot is fairly simple and probably not the most unique, but it ultimately doesn’t matter, because this is the best possible execution of the premise. I honestly think it outdoes The Iron Giant and Wall-E. An incredible triumph on all fronts and a perfect example of why I fell in love with the cinematic medium.

10 out of 10. After nearly 7 months, Dune: Part Two has finally ceded the best film of 2024 title.

[Buscemi2]

My Penguin Friend 8/10

At first glance, it's a Brazilian take on the Dolphin Tale movies but this charming little movie about a penguin who ventures from Patagonia to Rio de Janeiro and befriends a fisherman haunted by the death of his son years earlier manages to stand out on its own with its layered storyline and location shooting by Anthony Dod Mantle. Even though there is a lot of CGI, it has a feel more like the animal movies of the past, such as Born Free or Ring of Bright Water, and doesn't go for cheap, dumbed down jokes as the main source of entertainment. It's about the penguin, the theme of friendship, and showing off the beauty of South America. I'm honestly surprised this wasn't a word-of-mouth hit in the arthouse scene but we all know how Lionsgate is doing at the moment.

[StarLord123]

Joker: Folie à Deux
As someone who loved the first film, I was a little leery about a potential sequel given that it works perfectly as a standalone movie, but I naively assumed that the same creative team would only come back for this if they had cracked another great story. Unfortunately, I strongly disliked this sequel.

Probably the best aspect of the film is its visual style, there are quite a few stunning looking shots, it’s impressive how cinematographer Lawrence Sher is able to make scenes that take place in a dingy insane asylum and a courtroom look this good. Joaquin Phoenix doesn’t give as strong of a performance as he did the first time, but he still brings plenty of humanity to this character through his expressions and line delivery. Lady Gaga also does a perfectly fine job as Lee, although about 70% of her dialogue is singing, she can obviously sing. There is plenty of talent behind and in front of the camera that cared about the project, but they were let down by a piss-poor story and direction.

You’d be hard pressed to find a movie that’s more comfortable with just wandering aimlessly than this one is, it feels very scattershot and incoherent. There are several random dream-like musical sequences thrown in that look nice, but serve absolutely no purpose, the repetitive singing for a bulk of the runtime became incredibly tedious after a while. I’m not the biggest musical fan, but I can enjoy one if it’s executed well, the musical component here does NOT work at all. The relationship between Arthur and Lee doesn’t work either, they have one conversation, then fuck almost immediately, they have no proper chemistry. There’s no clear focus and no dramatic tension, things just sort of happen for 2 hours then wrap up on a wholly unsatisfying note that seemingly was a middle finger to both the audience for making the first film a success and WB for asking Todd Philips to make a sequel.

As much as this movie failed, I don’t think it’s completely unwatchable or worthless. During the scenes where Arthur is being interviewed in prison, and is on trial for his crimes in court (and when nobody’s fucking singing!), there are brief glimmers of what could’ve been a potent expansion of the first film’s themes. Never mind that your first film is beloved and received so many accolades, Todd! It was truly a genius idea to take that huge paycheck and make a sequel that tries to tear down what made that film so great, and to make it into a crummy musical. Bravo! 4 out of 10

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Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie 3/10

What a disappointment. You'd think a Sandy-focused SpongeBob movie would work but Nickelodeon was truly lazy here, not doing much with the story or the characters, instead doing a cheap cash-in designed to tide people over until the fourth SpongeBob movie. It's forgettable and largely feels less like a movie and more like an episode stretched to feature-length. In the end, this is basically the decline of the show contained in a film.

The one major positive is that it's short.

[StarLord123]

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re being too kind. Other than one giggle, that movie was nothing less than physically painful to watch.

I will say though, I watched a leaked copy of Plankton: The Movie (2025), while a bit forgettable on the whole, it looks like a masterpiece next to Sandy Cheeks (probably 6.5/10 vs 2/10).

[Buscemi2]

It's not at Beavis and Butt-head Do the Universe or Good Burger 2 levels of bad. Those two were misguided 90's nostalgia that didn't feel like they were trying to entertain. This actually felt like it was trying to be a movie but ultimately felt like they were imitating the second and third movies often instead of making it its own thing.

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Super/Man: The Christopher Reeve Story 9/10

The life and legacy of Christopher Reeve is shown in this beautiful and heartfelt documentary covering both his film work, notably as Superman, and his work as a disability rights activist, working tirelessly to raise awareness for helping people battling physical ailments. The documentary shows us how Reeve, even when almost completely paralyzed, managed to be someone with lots of empathy and compassion for those around him and a fighter for the rights of people those not given a voice. He truly was Superman.

You will get emotional while watching this documentary and if you aren't near a theatre showing the documentary, add it to Max as soon it hits streaming. It is a worthwhile journey into Reeve's life.

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We Live in Time 3/10

Cliche as hell. The most BookTok movie not to be based on a book this year focuses on the relationship between Andrew Garfield and Florence Pugh's characters, from his recent divorce to her battle with cancer. It's corny, rote, and often predictable and was there really a reason to tell it non-linear? If you've seen any movie about attractive thirty-somethings in love and the growing pains that occur in the past decade that tries way too hard for indie cred, you've already seen this movie.

The fact that A24 released this further shows that they are no longer really taking chances and are now starting to feel like the mid-2010's mid-majors that failed. Between Civil War and this, the A24 that was adored by film buffs and Internet is no more.

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Orion and the Dark 9/10

How did I put this one off for so long? This Netflix/DreamWorks co-production written by Charlie Kaufman has themes that you can truly connect with and for an animated film, feels quite real and emotional. This is also one of the few animated films where the adult humor works while also not overwhelming the film, creating something for everyone in the process. It might be a little too similar to Inside Out, which could be the reason why it got dumped onto Netflix (that and it's more experimental than your usual DreamWorks Animation title) but it stands out on its own terms and definitely deserved better.

[StarLord123]

Smile 2 8/10
This is terrific and a considerable leap in quality from the previous film, which I think is decent, if flawed. Naomi Scott gives a phenomenal performance, easily top 5 for the year, as pop star Skye Riley. She completely sells the anguish, fear, and hysteria that she’s going through, as well as her public pop star persona. If this was a drama instead of a horror film, her performance would probably be garnering awards buzz. Having the curse play out through the perspective of a recovering celebrity was a genius idea, it not only creates a new form of anxiety and is a more engaging use of the smile premise, it also makes for a compelling character study. This is also a greatly directed and shot film, with a superb one-take opening scene, and an abundance of creative camera angles, and it’s paced a lot better than its predecessor despite being about 10 minutes longer, it’s gripping from beginning to end. As someone who doesn’t normally like jump scares, I think they mostly felt earned, with 1 or 2 cheap exceptions. Playing up the “real or not real” angle in the climax made it a little confusing at times, and one could see the ending coming from a mile away, but those don’t take away too much from what’s otherwise an excellent horror film. Director Parker Finn is going to have a long and prolific career if he keeps making films that are this quality.